We need more war by Sarah Page
We need more war
I’ve been hearing all kinds of things about how America ranks very low compared to
other developed countries on things like income equality, education, infant mortality
and whatnot and I have some ideas on how to fix this.
I’m here to tell you that the number one way to fix America’s problems is: more war.
Now, you may think that sounds awful but you just need to change your way of
thinking and get creative. It’s so obvious it’s like a no-brainer really. Let’s just all get off
our
morally superior high horses for a moment and consider a few things…
More war will allow us to employ more people and lower our unemployment rate. It
will bring in money from the resources that American corporations steal, I mean
negotiate, from the countries we attack. Get some manufacturing going in the way of
arms, like in WWII and we’ll be all set.
Now, I know we have some wars going on already. The war on terror and the war on
drugs and all, but it’s just not enough. We need more war!
Some new areas to consider are:
War on teenagers. Teenagers are a huge pain in the ass right? They don’t listen and
they just take up our resources, eating lots of food and wanting expensive clothes and
electronics. Who needs them? Think of the money that will be saved on education!
War on old people. Old people complain and they cost a lot of money to medicate and
take care of. War on old people will rid us of a huge burden. Think of the social
security savings!
If you don’t like these ideas I suspect it’s probably because you’re not fulfilling your
potential. Think outside the box!
The best thing about a war on teenagers and a war on old people is that we can start
right here. Why spend the money to send our soldiers on expensive trips around the
world when they can just as easily be killing people in our own backyard?
Detroit has a major water problem right? It’s been all over the news that people are
getting their water turned off. More war will fix this too. We can send them blood from
the casualties of our new wars and they can drink that instead of water. They will turn
into vampires who live forever, boosting our life expectancy ranking and creating the
ideal consumer who will literally take forever to pay off their credit cards. It’s the
capitalist dream!
More war!
War is the answer!
War is peace!
…..
Sarah Page is a San Francisco poet, short story writer and journalist who publishes and edits the quarterly poetry magazine, Out of Our. She is a member of the Revolutionary Poets Brigade and helped start Occupy San Francisco. Sarah has had several articles published by Truthout
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